Bullying

Definition

Bullying is defined differently by many sources, but the majority agree that bullying involves an imbalance of power, an intent to cause harm to another, and repetition of these types of incidents. Bullying can take place in many forms including physical, verbal, social, and most recently, cyberbullying. Typically, but not always, boys engage in more physical forms of bullying, while girls tend to attack their victims more indirectly.

Consequences

Many people think that bullying is just kids being kids. They believe that bullying is a phase that all children will go through. Research now shows (not to mention the news reports) that bullying today has surpassed harmless teasing, and now leads to children missing school out of fear, having low self-esteem, being depressed, and even committing suicide.

Taking Action
In March of 2010, Massachusetts passed an anti-bullying bill with hopes of protecting our children from bullying at school, and also after school is out. This bill was passed in the wake of two youth suicides in western Massachusetts: Phoebe Prince, 15 and Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover, 11. The bill states that every school district in Massachusetts must implement an anti-bullying policy and prevention program in their schools. Every elementary and secondary school was given a model plan to begin with. Each school then was asked to work with teachers, school staff, professional support personnel, volunteers, administrators, students, parents, guardians, law enforcement, and community representatives to gain input on how to create an anti-bullying plan for their specific school.

Warning Signs and Tips for Families

Children may be too scared or ashamed to come out and talk about being bullied with their families or teachers. Below are some tips from the website StopBullying.gov on potential warning signs that your child may be the victim of bullying.

Your child may be bullied if he or she:

Comes home with damaged or missing clothing or other belongings
Reports losing items such as books, electronics, clothing, or jewelry
Has unexplained injuries
Complains frequently of headaches, stomachaches, or feeling sick
Has trouble sleeping or has frequent bad dreams
Has changes in eating habits
Hurts themselves
Are very hungry after school from not eating their lunch
Runs away from home
Loses interest in visiting or talking with friends
Is afraid of going to school or other activities with peers
Loses interest in school work or begins to do poorly in school
Appears sad, moody, angry, anxious or depressed when they come home
Talks about suicide
Feels helpless
Often feels like they are not good enough
Blames themselves for their problems
Suddenly has fewer friends
Avoids certain places
Acts differently than usual

If your child exhibits any of these characteristics, you should first let them know that you're concerned and ask if they have anything they want to talk to you about. Let them know that you're there for them, and it's not their fault if they're being bullied. Next, get some information from your child's school about their bullying policy. Educate yourself so that you can discuss, with understanding, the issue at hand with teachers or administrators and become a team working together for your child's safety and happiness.

What Can Teachers, Administrators, and Other Adult School Personnel Do?
In my research, I stumbled across a participants manual from what must have been an anti-bullying course called Bullying and Victimization: What Adults Can Do to Help (.pdf). The manual comes from the University of Nebraska, Lincoln and was written by Eric S. Buhs, Associate Professor in the Department of Educational Psychology and Maria de Guzman, an Extension Specialist in Adolescent Development. This manual gives some excellent tips on bullying prevention for adults working in a school environment. A summary of these pointers are:

Know where to look for bullying activity. Bullies often find unsupervised areas of the school to torment their victims.
Give children a way to confidentially report bullying (ex. dropbox or survey) and let them know that an adult will respond immediately.
Make it clear to children at the beginning of the year what bullying is, and that it will not be tolerated.
Intervening helps. It often puts an end to the behavior quickly, but also shows the bullied children that they can trust the adult to take action.
Recruit volunteers to support a bully victim.
Having the bully and victim talk to each other about what's going on is typically not helpful.
Role play with your class. Have children take turns being a bully and victim interacting together and generate responses together of how to approach these incidents.
Record all incidents and reports of bullying.
Know your school policy on bullying ahead of time so that you're prepared to intervene in the appropriate way.
Take children seriously. Never brush bullying accusations of as "kids being kids". Listen to your students and let them know you are there to help.

True Stories from Bullied Children

This video is a first hand account of how stressful school can be to a victim of bullying. Wyatt talks candidly with his mom about his experiences at school. He is currently bullied for being in the special needs class, but feels he will be just as tormented even if he is included in the "mainstream" classroom. To him, both options seem like a lose-lose scenario.

Simon's Story: A True Account of Bullying by Emily Richi

Simon is a sweet 7 year old boy who lives with his mom and dad and baby sister in Roslindale, MA. Simon was in first grade in a Boston Public School this year and his parents noticed a change in him. He became anxious when walking to the bus in the morning. On Saturday afternoons, he began saying how he didn't want to go to school on Monday. He also wasn't eating or sleeping as he normally did. Eventually, Simon started coming home with bruises on him, covered in dirt with scratches on his body and holes in his clothes.

Simon's parents brought it up with his teacher and she said that it was happening on the playground, not in her class. They then went to the principal about the matter and she dismissed it as boys being boys. Simon's parents started talking with other parents in his class about things and a few of the other boys in his class were also being bullied. It turns out it was one particular boy in the class. They had an entire group of parents complaining to the principal about the problem and she refused to acknowledge that there was bullying going on in her school.

After months of watching their son growing more and more anxious, Simon's parents ended up removing him from the school because it was so emotionally draining on him. As a 7 year old you should be excited to go to school in the morning, not worried and stressed out.

Simon's parents have now been homeschooling him and as a result, he is a much happier boy. Over the past few weeks, Simon's parents learned that the principal of his former school had been fired.

A Message to Children: It Gets Better

This video is focused towards the GLBT youth community. It was created after a number of young people committed suicide due to relentless bullying from their peers. Though it was created with a specific group in mind, it's message is powerful for any bullied child or teen who might not be able to look past the hardships they are facing at the moment. Showing them that others have come before them and made it through the rough times to happy, healthy lives may give them some hope.